Republican Campaign Strategy

How to run a successful (?) Republican political campaign.

1. Point out a threat that’s easy for people to agree upon. Invent one if you have to.

2. Though, truth be told, you have no idea how, talk big and loud about how you’re going to take care of that threat.

3. Somehow, convincingly juggle the concepts of both “America’s the greatest country in the world!” and “We need to make America great again!” without anyone noticing how contradictory they are.

4. Remind us of that threat and how you (have no idea how you) will stop it.

5. Borrow a Bruce Springsteen song without asking.

6. Make ironic appearance on late night talk show.

7. Remember, guys, that threat is still out there, and it’s real (or not) and I have a plan to shut it down (just kidding).

8. Something something borders.

9. Journalists on a sister payroll help spread message of, “Be afraid of everything but me!”

10. Cross fingers. You’d pray, but even “believing in God” is all part of the act.

11. Repeat forever.